Jacoby Ellsbury Traded to Yankees for Johnny Damon

JESSICA PENZIAS ‘08

At 8:00 this morning, reporters gathered at Fenway Park at the request of Red Sox general manager, Theo Epstein. Soon thereafter, Epstein took the podium and announced that, after considering input from both Terry Francona and the Red Sox owners, the team has resigned former Red Sox player Johnny Damon. Damon, who was traded to the Yankees immediately following the 2004 World Series victory of the Red Sox, has, of late, become an enemy to all members of Red Sox nation. In fact, when Damon returned to Fenway as a member of the Yankees in 2005, Red Sox fans threw money on the field to demonstrate their frustration with Damons’ greedy nature and lack of devotion to the Sox.

The news of the latest trade received a similar public reaction. Reporters flooded Epstein with questions and soon after the story was released to the public (at around 9 AM) crowds gathered outside Fenway Park. Outraged Bostonians, banded together with signs protesting the return of the despised center-fielder. At this time, Epstein returned to Fenway Park to address the concerns of the growing crowd. When he was asked about his decision, Epstein was recorded as stating, “Due to Coco Crisp’s injury, we have resigned Damon in an effort to rebuild our outfield.” He then went on to say, “Trading Jacoby Ellsbury was a necessary move for the Red Sox administration and we are excited to welcome back our former teammate.” A public outcry followed this statement and some fans even speculated that this trade may be reminiscent of the famous trade of Babe Ruth.


APRIL FOOLS!!!...Thank goodness!